Ex-Factor

June 23, 2008

When a man and a woman form a relationship or become involved with each other, whether they are in love, falling in love, or just enjoying each other’s company, in many cases when the relationship ends one person is biter, upset, envious, and jaded. It is very rare that a relationship ends in a mutal agreement so there is most likely one person who will break up with the other.

In my current situation me and my boyfriend, Mike, will have been together for a year this September 2, and all of his ex-girlfriends have contacted me except for two through facebook or myspace by adding me as a friend or trying to message me to be all up in my business. I am not a fool or a stupid girl, I know that you are not requesting me to be my friend, you want to see my page, the comments he left me, picture of me and him together, and possibly someone on my top friends who is a male so you can go and bring it to his attention to try to end our relationship. Females are scandalous nowadays and have been since the beggining of time and they are not getting any better. One girl has gone as far to faking a pregnancy, telling him lies about me, all to get my man back. Another ex of his called his phone at random hours of the night then found my number and sent me 35 text messages and called over 49 times between the hours of 7:00 p.m. and 3:00 a.m. Crazy Bitches! Don’t give me the “you should listen to what she has to say because she might have some secrets about your boyfriend or warnings you should know” 9/10 this is false and she just wants to ruin what you have with that person. The same with males.

What I don’t understand is why can’t she move on. He clearly does not want her and is not interested because he is with me and we are in love. Yet she calls my phone, sends multiple friend requests, messages him lies about me, asks everyone and they mama for information about me and how our relationship is coming along. How about you mind your business, move on with your life, and find a new hobby. Honey, get job, because she is spending way too much time and energy concerned with what me and my man are doing. I know he is amazing doing what he does but damn, get a hold of yourself!

Not to even get on ex-boyfriends of mine who can’t leave me alone. They call and beg and plead to have me back when I am NOT INTERESTED. One guy stalked me, I live in Cleveland, Ohio which is Northeast, tell me why in the hell he was on my campus looking for me at Ohio University which is Southern Ohio. I had to change my number because of this nonsense. Why is it so hard for someone to just let it go. Honestly, if you miss someone then go home and sulk in your own misery, don’t message the current girlfriend or harrass him to try to get him back. Deal with your problems on your own. How desperate and pathetic do you look. There are plenty of men and women in this world who are available and if one relationship does not work out, it is not the end of the world. If someone does not want you, they do not want you, especially if you are doing everything you can do and pulling every trick out of the hat and they still don’t budge or show any interest in you, its time to upgrade your life and find something better to do with your time.

Fatal attractions are worse and scary to encounter but there are many people who are J.A.D.E.D. (Jealous, Angry, Decietful, Envious, and Deranged). Ex-girlfriends and boyfriends can become so obsessed with the person who broke it off with they would do anything to get them back. Lie, Cheat, Steal, Commit Crimes, even kill. Sad enough, Love can be a beautiful thing when its right but when it goes wrong and someone can’t deal with the truth, reality can easily become hell for someone dealing with the Ex-Factor.

Filed In: Drama, J.A.D.E.D. Females, Men, Rants, Relationships, Women | Comments (16)

Down Low Brothers!

June 3, 2008

Credit to SandraRose.com

The picture is of Drew from BET’s reality show College Hill, the rapper and alpha male in the house who wants all the girls and gets all this attention from females and from my understanding was straighter than a toothpick. Clearly pictures have surfaced on the internet that he is gay and have participated in sexual acts on a website called [warning is not work or school friendly WHAT SO EVER. Proceed with caution]. He was the last person I would think is gay on the show and this is scary.

I cannot count how many times I look at the various gossip and celebrity sites on the web and pictures, proof, and speculation of men on the down low. For those of you who aren’t hip to the “down low” this is a term given to prodominately African American men who are undercover homosexuals, bisexuals, and/or sleep with other men. Many of these men are athletes, the sterotypical macho men, husbands, and fathers in marriages and in the church. I have no problem with gay men or women because that is their personal preference but it is upsetting the double lives that men live keeping their wives and family in the dark because they are not “man” enough to accept who they are. Now if this was 10 years ago, even 5 years ago, then maybe they would have a reason to hide for the fear of their lives but honestly, wake up honey! It is almost completely acceptable in this society for gay men and women. They are open with it and the need to be on the down low should not even be a thought. You have men like B.Scott who I love who are not ashamed nor secretive of their sexual preference. He is fabulous and honey it is no secret.

The state of the African American family is already declining and diminishing and the last thing we need is a large population of men who are downlow homosexuals and in many cases you never know and can never tell. The proximity for available Black men is getting smaller through the years. First it was the men who choose to date outside of their race, then the amount of men in jail, now the amount of men who are gay, bisexual, and homosexual. There are still alot of good black men out there who are ideal for a certain preference but it will take some time to search or allow someone in your life you can trust. One f my favorite authors E. Lynn Harris is gay and he writes books about men on the downlow and from their perspective and they are interesting but shocking and scary at the same time. In the series Basil is a ex-football player, cocky, successful, wealthy, education brother the ideal but he led a secret life and no one would no nor can you tell nowaways.

I am so grateful and blessed that I am off the dating market and no longer looking because I found the love of my life who is a Good Black Man and I don’t have to worry and have concerns and doubts about the man I might be dating. Ladies…..you need to do a background check and google search on the person you decide to pursue because you never know nowadays. This is not even including you both going to the clinic or doctor to get tested in front of each other before having sex with that person. I just wish that these men would come out dammit. Stop putting on this front and living a lie, if you are gay it is fine, come clean because if you remain on the “down low” and continue to lie to your wife, family, children, friends, and in some cases church it causes more damage to lie then to come out. I always said where there is smoke, there is a fire. The truth will come to light eventually, no matter how you try to hide from it, in this internet age and with all the advanced technology yo ass will get caught.

I understand many of them are scared and don’t want to deal with certain aspects and issues that come along with being gay but its 2008 honey, no secret anymore. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to the people who love you. Come out of the closet, come from the down low and let’s minimize the amount of hurt individuals because of your actions.

Filed In: Men, Rants | Comments (16)

Career Women and Men Trying to Balance and Maintain Relationships

May 25, 2008

Song: Beyonce “Should Have”

Why is it such a difficult task for some carrer driven men and women to maintain and balance various relationships in their life. Whether love relationships, friendships, and family ties everything in life should have a balance and priorities. At the same time you should never start something you cannot complete nor give your 100% towards. For example, if you are a woman who is intensely dedicated to your job or education and knowing that will take up most of your time and energy, why would you start a relationship? If you don’t have enough to give yourself, your children if you have any, how to you expect to give any to a man. A relationship is a team, and like a team you need practice and spend time with each other to learn and understand each other better but if you don’t have time for anyone else then maybe you should not be in a relationship unless that other person completely understands, then is that truely fair to them.

I am a firm believer that God put someone on this earth for everyone and a soulmate. Not many people find that person who completes them but when you do, DO NOT let them go. You will regret it. I know many women who have chosen their career over love and having a family and they regret it. At the end of the day if you choose to be Independent and girl power that’s fine but never put someone’s heart in the mix. If you can’t give your all to a relationship then let go and come back when you are ready and willing to not be selfish.

I am all for placing your career and getting a education as a priority in your life. That is important and essential in living and learning through life. But there has to be balance. If you know your man needs you then cancel with the girls for one night to spend time with him and be there for him. If you job or class has a deadline then don’t stay out too late or stay up late with your man, get your work done. Just because you are successful does not mean you have to be single or have no social life.

Another issue to throw in there is not being too power driven and boasting your wealth, power, or accomplishments in men’s faces. Men sometimes are intimidated by successful women resulting in them not wanting to date a women with more money then them or a better job because they cannot handle it and have insecurities. On the other hand, women should not use this as a weapon because you should never make a man feel as if he doesn’t have the pants in the relationship, even though you may have them, make him feel good and feel like a man. Just keep in mind the James Brown song “It’s a MAN’s world, but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl”.

Some men are so into their careers and getting money that they believe buying their women anything will mend the bruises they caused from nights of being alone and feeling neglected because the job called. When in reality its the simple things in like we forget [cudos to Usher]. Spending time and showing that you love her without the Tiffany box or chanel bag every once in awhile would not hurt and be good in a relationship.

Personally I place God, my family, my man, education and getting a career in that order in my life. Without the first three nothing else in life would make sense. When I was a senior in high school I barely had time for myself and I did not have the skills to manage a relationship at the time but I learned and now I have a successful relationship and we are in love, I’m in college, and moving forward in my pursuit of a career. I know that everything in my life deserve some energy from me and if I don’t have it to give something has to go whether extra curricular or spoiled friendships.

Filed In: Life, Love, Men, Rants, Relationships | Comments (11)